First a military background works.
A Purple heart that is good
For 20 million votes--as long as you
Shade the tales of heroism--
Never discuss the women and innocent
Children you murdered in Viet Nam.

Buy plenty of expensive suits.
Get you a good barber. Manicures.
Always be supportive of big business.
Don't support affirmative action.

Remember you got there by being
Tough on crime--by sending innocent
Men to Death Row--then put them to death.
So make sure you draft laws affecting
Only Black and Hispanics and Asians.

Be discrete about your sexual predilections,
We know you like the sweet young things,
We know you do, you freak.

But you'll have to lie about the
Relationships, which takes good teeth,
Regular visits to the dentist,
And layers upon layers of magic white.